This is Ueller bay. He is in my classroom and he lights up.

Kids walk in and ask ” Why is there a pig in your room?”

Me: ” Why not?”

The German teacher has a tiger striped duck in his room. The Roman helmet is from when we stole him. It. Whatever. No one questions HIM.

Eventually I felt compelled to explain to someone.

“I wanted to buy a giant inflatable sock monkey Santa for my friend and tie it to her roof. But they were sold out at Home Depot, Lowes, Sears, hardware stores, the Christmas tree store, everywhere. So I settled for a winged pig and a light up cow with a seasons greetings sign. I put it on her porch, lit them up and ran away.”

The following year she drove over to my house in the dead of 7 p.m. and put it on my porch. I had no choice but to return it to her front lawn and stake it there with a large sign announcing her heartless abandonment.

She brought it into school. I put it in the French teachers room and there it had a home for 3 months until one day I found him sitting at my desk along with the witches broom I left on her desk one day with a note saying ” you forgot your ride home.”

I finished. One girl looked at me and said, ” Whatever happened to buying someone an Itunes gift card?”