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THE THREE A.M. NIGHTLY FELINE PENTATHALON

Events in the Pentathalon:

  • The Couch High/Long jump
  • The Vase Filled With Flowers and Water Tackle
  • The Long Skid through the pile of mail
  • The High Dive into the water dish
  • The Drapery Climb

Should a contestant seamlessly segue from the couch long jump into the vase tackle he/she receives double points. The same for a segue into the long skid, which must end with both contestant and mail falling off the end of the table.

TRACK AND FIELD

  • The Litter Putt: This event measures how far a contestant can fling litter from the center of the litter box. There are both two and four paw categories.
  • Relay: contestants make two complete circuits of the house with one trying to bite the other’s tail. This event frequently ends badly, like Canadians and ice hockey, with contestants¬† deciding to loudly bite the crap out of each other.

 

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