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THE THREE A.M. NIGHTLY FELINE PENTATHALON

Events in the Pentathalon:

  • The Couch High/Long jump
  • The Vase Filled With Flowers and Water Tackle
  • The Long Skid through the pile of mail
  • The High Dive into the water dish
  • The Drapery Climb

Should a contestant seamlessly segue from the couch long jump into the vase tackle he/she receives double points. The same for a segue into the long skid, which must end with both contestant and mail falling off the end of the table.

TRACK AND FIELD

  • The Litter Putt: This event measures how far a contestant can fling litter from the center of the litter box. There are both two and four paw categories.
  • Relay: contestants make two complete circuits of the house with one trying to bite the other’s tail. This event frequently ends badly, like Canadians and ice hockey, with contestants  deciding to loudly bite the crap out of each other.

 

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