My students made a large horse out of chicken wire.
I guess it was going to be a Trojan horse. It took up a lot of space in my classroom.
I put a Roman helmet on it and moved it into France. Or French class.
Sometimes the French teacher clenches her teeth so hard I’m afraid she’ll get lockjaw. You think its me?
This is not ENTIRELY mine. A student looked at my version, a sophomore no less, and commented that I didn’t have a unifying connection in the dialogue that would create tension and build up to the final denouement. Then he walked off and sat down for class. I didn’t know whether I wanted to smack him upside the head or give him chocolate. He wrote in Odysseus and the song at the end. If he didn’t get credit he would think up some diabolical trick to play on me. The ten pound skipping stone he bought me is another story. Here we go with this story.
Odysseus: Listen up men! We’ll exit on my command. Troy is ours! Now
1st soldier: Its dark in here
O: What?
!st: I’m a little afraid of the dark. You know, just a little. You can’t see things.
O: Quiet! After we turn off Oracle boulevard…
2nd: I know what you mean. Something can crawl on you and you don’t know what it is.
O: you’re trained soldiers for Joves sake!
1st: and you begin to imagine teeth, hairy little legs… its worse when there are more than four because then it’s a bug. Hey, is that your hand?
2nd: no
1st: well, whats that running down my leg?
2nd: its my lunch
1st: you eat insects?
2nd: its crab
1st why is it moving?
2nd: I didn’t have time to kill it.
1st: can I have a bite?
2nd: sure
1st: it just bit me!
2nd: you know its fresh
O: Pay attention!
3rd: its hot in here
O: O for…
3rd:I itch under my armor. Maybe I could take it off. just for a little while
O :NO!
Sulky silence.
3rd: you’re touching me.
2nd: no I’m not
3rd: yes you are. ODYSSEUS! He’s touching me.
2nd: I am not. Its my sword
3rd: that is NOT your sword.
O: ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS on our formations when we leave the horse?
3rd: Do we have a war cry? Like COWABUNGA! Or charge! Or run in one direction at high velocity!
O : I should have known that question was a mistake
1st: so when do we get out?
O: when the Trojans get drunk and fall asleep.
1st: why are they having all the fun? Why can’t we party too?
O: because once they finish having all the fun we invade the city, take all their stuff, kill everyone and burn the city down.
1st: Oh.
3rd: anyone want to hear some music? Get us in the mood for pillaging Troy!
Everyone: YEAH
They all sing: Oh, into the meadow filled with daisies, I go to see my prince. A kiss! A kiss! A kiss is all I wish! My prince……
Odysseus stabs them all from behind. Another opens the trap door.
Soldier:Odysseus, the coast is clear! ( looks at bodies)
O: it’s a long story.
sometimes to see who cheats, or to entertain myself, I make different versions of the same test. I scramble the order of the answers and don’t tell the class. I also sometimes put such absurd choices down that the student is really only left with one or two options.
BUT ….for this to work, you have to actually read the questions.
I gave a short quiz on the Trojan war. Most people got an A or B. A few took it several days later when I changed the order of the answers.
Question: Troy was in present day: a) Turkey b) Roast beef c) Greece d) Italy
Question: the Trojans were tricked by: a) a giant wooden duck b) a talking fiberglas trout
c) a jack in the box d) a giant wooden horse ( is this question a gift, or what?)
Question: the king was married to: a) male name of enemy b) male name of enemy
c) male name of enemy d)woman’s name
People who took the test later wrote down the exact letters for a perfect score. IF you were taking the first test. Here are their answers.
One day a French teacher decided to kidnap the German class mascot, a tiger striped wooden yellow and black duck. Yes, I was wondering the same thing. Who knows? German, its like a cult. They don’t need a reason.
Anyway, a substitute teacher told us the duck was in French class. So at the end of the day, my kids trooped down to her class with a diversion, leftover cake, and in the confusion we snatched the duck and ran like hell.
Now, the duck isn’t little. At least four feet long.
We sent a picture of the duck to the Germans with a message: ” We have the duck. Send ten thousand deuche marks.” Yes, the duck is wearing a Roman helmet.
We then hid the duck as carefully as one can hide a four foot tiger striped duck in a classroom. We then sent another photo of us all gloating over the duck.
The substitute teacher, in a moment of sadistic glee, did not tell the French teacher who stole the duck. The French teacher walked around frantically, no doubt muttering “Oh, merde! He’s going to kill me!” meaning, no doubt, the German teacher.
While I was out of my class for ONE period, SOMEONE came in, found the duck and absconded with it.
The Spanish teachers all acted totally innocent, like they hadn’t seen anyone running out of my room and down the hall with a four foot tiger striped duck in tow. Right. Channel 6 news would have shown up for a shot of people running down a hall with a contraband duck.
This incident clarified for me a glaring lacuna among my possessions. I do not have the equivalent of the duck. So I set my students to making a Trojan Horse. And its bigger and taller than the duck. The problem was at the end of the year when I had to do something with the horse. My husband looked at the horse and said, ” Just what are we going to do with that?
He looks out the window, waiting for the day he does battle with the duck.
Heard in the Classroom 