My students made a large horse out of chicken wire.
I guess it was going to be a Trojan horse. It took up a lot of space in my classroom.
I put a Roman helmet on it and moved it into France. Or French class.
Sometimes the French teacher clenches her teeth so hard I’m afraid she’ll get lockjaw. You think its me?
My French grandmother told me many years ago that ” my little cabbage” was a term of endearment.
Cabbage? who knows. its the French.
So I got a brussel sprout, donated by a Latin/French student. its a little cabbage, right? nasty little suckers.
I hot glued it to a white board and left it on the French teacher’s computer. Mon Petit Chou.
Her: What the hell am I going to do with this once it starts to rot?
Me:Not my problem now.
Its still on her desk, mummifying.
my little cabbage
I spend an inordinate amount of time pondering things to inflict on the French teacher. Some have not been put into action yet. We may invade France and capture Vercingetorix. She hasn’t quite realized that SHE will be Vercingetorix. Another plot involves large amounts of wrapping paper, walkie talkies, music, and hidden cameras. Just kidding. No hidden cameras.
Really, having a room next to her was the best thing that happened this year. I’m not sure she feels the same way.
She did have one moment of revenge.
She walked into my classroom, looked around, ran to the box of tissues, tore all the tissues out, and ran out with the box. With peals of maniacal laughter.
I think MY students thought she was nuts.
I found a ten pound brick labeled ” Expert SKIPPING STONE. its all in the wrist” by my computer.
Students are baffled by it. ( except for the one who gave it to me) They pick it up and say ” Its a BRICK! why would you buy a BRICK?” Or they say
“How can you skip this? It weighs ten pounds!” Boys will pick it up and go off scratching their heads, muttering to themselves.
” What the …how ??”
It doesn’t immediately occur to anyone that this is a joke.
its all in the wrist
The French teacher was inordinately proud of her podium, which some talented student had burned her name into in 3D. Her undoing was announcing ” Now no one can steal my podium.”
Who could resist such a challenge? Not me of weak will. Another French teacher helped me run down the hall with it and lock it in the storage room.
The halls resounded with barely repressed shouts of ” MERDE”. But she found it.
So, being possessed of budding criminal minds,we made a new name for her podium. Snarf is short for snarfblatt. What, you never watched Little Mermaid? Its a word.
snarf podium
Sometimes, to relieve stress, or to entertain myself, I torment the French teacher.
This has enriched my life immeasurably.
I established a pet squirrel fundraiser outside her door. There is actually money in it.
A banana rolled in on a tricycle. He announced that everyone should have him for breakfast with their Cheerios, and rolled out the door.
If you had to sacrifice one of us to the gods, who would you pick?
Why is my Tropicana orange juice labeled grape juice?
Did you know that my birthday is in 16 days?
“My amygdala is crazy as hell.”
” So I wet my finger and stuck it in my eyeball.”
” Don’t you want to touch my hair?”
Not to mention the student who decided to answer every question with a British accent.
When I was in 7th grade, all the homerooms had a club. There was a drama club, a science club, a math club. But our homeroom?
We had the ” Good Citizenship Club.”
Yep, that club was a laugh a minute. The brain child of our homeroom teacher who frequently told us that she had never missed a day of school. ( WHY?????)
All I could think was, ” And you’re bragging about it? What a lot of wasted opportunities.”
Our club activities consisted of dropping suggestions into a box, along the lines of
“We shouldn’t slam our desks” and voting on them.
One student offered the following anonymous comment.
Check happy referred to her habit of writing checks next to our names for any infraction.
This note put her into a frenzy.
“Everyone write down who they think wrote this, and then I’ll question them.” ( you mean interrogate, don’t you?)
I wrote ” Probably any of us, really”
Guess whose name showed up the most?
Heard in the Classroom 